He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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