either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
