I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
