My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
