Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
