i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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