barbara walters just said penis...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
