so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
