Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
