Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
