What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
