I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
