my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
