I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
