he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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