Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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