super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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