he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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