I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
