I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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