we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
