guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
