Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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