Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
