I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
