dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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