I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
