we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
