If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
