I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
