I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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