I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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