Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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