There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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