he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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