his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this just has baby written all over it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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