Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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