Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
