Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Bring me that man meat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
