I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
