I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
