I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
