i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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