Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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