i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
