We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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