fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
