dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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