well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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