summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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