How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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