Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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