i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
