I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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