the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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