And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
