i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
