Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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