There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize