i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
