Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
