She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
