well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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