My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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