She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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