He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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