Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
