I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
