I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
