When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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