gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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