Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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