george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
